Checklists and beyond...

Checklists

 I am a student, and I will be a daddy while being a student.   

 Yes. There exist those who do this. Many! Lots!

I was browsing a text book store, and I saw a greeting card that said, "When you are pregnant, you get to be unreasonable, pampered, controlling, tantrum-throwing and irritating for a full nine months. Then, it is your baby's turn." It painted a hilarious picture of pregnancy. However, life is a little bit different from greeting cards.

I think pregnancy is about checklists. Go to Gynecologist asap is where the list begins. Then, before you know the list grows to astronomical dimensions, and even before you are full blown pregnant with a belly and all. This list happens when your skin has just started glowing and your hair has started to look better.

There are two kinds of lists that, depending on how you see it, summarize or detail your pregnancy. One list is the scientific list involving prenatal vitamins and visits to various doctors and all the quantifiable measurable stuff like number of ultrasounds, dates etc. The other list is that of heuristic stuff and mostly consists of Do's and Dont's. For a starter, pineapple, ginger and several other foods are out of bounds. Tea and Coffee in amounts greater than half a cup a day are poisons. Any fast paced endeavour to lift anything heavier than a kilogram is blasphemy. if you thought it ends here, you are so wrong.

There is a third 'thing'. It is not a list. It is something that cannot be listed. It is called a woman on steroids that are on already on drugs. It is known by different names - mood swings, cravings, and just being pregnant. If you are a man, you probably already know that mothers are always right. Now, you get to experience that dads are always wrong. It could be a 3 am hunger pang that will go away only if she eats mango pickle made by her mother in 1982. It could be the shock of your life you received on seeing her lapping up mega cups of ice cream when you were so sure she hated the very concept of ice cream.

This morning, as we tried our hand at making Sandwiches, she cried in full volume for precisely 30 seconds, and then, she smiled and laughed hilariously for the next 3 minutes. Here is a conversation if you are a sucker who believes God lies in details.

"Do you want to eat sandwiches?"

"Sure, we get to use the new sandwich maker as well."

"Great. I will boil some potatoes and mash them. There is some bread in the fridge."

"Why don't you try operating the sandwich maker today?"

"No. No. No. No. Noooooo...ooo. ooo...."

"Come on. It is quite simple. Besides, try stuff that looks difficult."

"You mean, I do only easy stuff. I boiled the potato, I meshed it, I added spices and you tell me I don....t... do ... difficult .. thi.. thin..... bo hoooooooo hooooooo hooo bo hooo hoooo things.."

"I mean..."

"What do you mean? You mean nothing. Why do you say such things? bo hoooo hoo hoo hoo hooo?"

Fellow papasoons! Remember the greetings! Her boss is on his/her way! :)

Meeting the two of them

As I arrived in San Francisco, I hurried past everyone to be as close to Immigration counter as possible. I did it successfully and my immigration was over in less than 45 minutes. From this point on, the story should have been - I collected my baggage and went straight home, and hugged my wife, and then, we talked for hours. Sadly, it turned out to be different.

Now, the world changed its configuration while I slept peacefully aboard my flight cruising across the world. A very generous friend (who knew the good news) decided to leave his car at the long term parking to make it really convenient for us for the rest of the day. I came to know about it before leaving Dubai and felt great about having a car for myself, for the day. I am new to Bay Area and do not own a car. So, I did not fully understand the dynamics. Someone told me that I could go to a certain point using public transport and then, take a cab to the long term parking building. I did just that, and was told that no cabs actually go to long term parking from where I was. So, trot trot! I came back to the airport building, and took a cab to the long term parking building.

After struggling for an hour to find my friend's car, and to locate the hidden car keys, I was all set. My three heavy suitcases nicely tucked in the trunk, car stereo blaring, air conditioning switched on, I stepped up on the gas. I was on the highway, and I was riding to meet her. I was really happy.

I planned to ride to San Francisco, take the Bay bridge and reach Berkeley. Then, I planned to hug my wife, and talk to her for hours together. But, it was 5 o'clock. The traffic kept getting denser and denser. As soon as I crossed San Francisco and was about to enter the Bay Bridge, I heard a beeping sound. The car was giving an overheating warning, and there was smoke escaping from the right side of the bonnet of my car. The other drivers politely gave me access to the right lane, and I pulled over.

Soon, two friendly highway patrolmen came by with their sci-fi trucks and gave my car an inspection. They waited for over half hour with me, chatted about current affairs, and when the car cooled down, they added cold water to coolant reservoir. Then, they asked me to follow them in my car, and took me to a parking lot. Here is what they advised me.

"Wait for about TWO to THREE HOURS. The traffic will die out by then. Then, you can drive this car home."

The gentleman patrolman left his mobile phone charger with me and I was able to charge my phone and call my wife. I called her on her mobile phone and asked her to come where I was, for that hug I was cravinGg

She loves me. Dearly. So, she came by, we hugged, and then, we sat in the car waiting for the traffic to die out. An hour later, as we started for Berkeley, an extremely tired brain of mine misjudged a traffic light, and as we crossed the traffic signal, an orange turned to red, a camera flash clicked twice, and we are still waiting for a ticket to arrive.

20 minutes later, we were home, tired and EXTREMELY HAPPY and EXCITED.

I had met the two of them.

The good news

Bing Bang
Source:www.upi.com

It is quite ironical that this piece of news arrives at least a couple of weeks after destiny takes its turn. A good turn!

I was away in India for a three week project and she was in the US when it happened. No, not when IT happened! This is when she got double lines on her test strip. Do your maths!

During the last week when we spoke, I did not find her in her best moods. Naturally, we did the mean things couples do - fighting, claiming, blaming. To make matters worse, we had no clue why we were suddenly so eager to jump out of our otherwise usually harmonious existence.

A day before I was to leave India to come to US, she revealed it. Unlike most movies, it was not in a romantic setting. She and I were having a hot conversation when she broke the news. To me, it was way too sudden and shocking, and I did not know how to react. Not that I had not expected this turn of events, but I had not expected this information to come flying at me in the middle of an angry conversation. It seemed like this was thrown at me in a 'you are guilty' fashion. Well, she later told me her point of view. She thought this piece of information would make me forget all the anger and our little fight would end right there. For some godforsaken reason, probably some screw-up in male brain anatomy, I became angrier. I am usually not a dick, but that day.... We all have our moments of bullshit.

The next day I started for US. 4 hours of Delhi to Dubai, followed by 8 hours of loitering around at Dubai airport, and then, a 15 hour flight to San Francisco is a long feat to achieve, and I had buckled up for it. I had started noticing changes in myself. I was lost for a moment, happy the next one, and angry intermittently. I was going through...yes, I will admit...mood swings.

I would normally not admit a week moment such as the one I am going to describe now. The problem of this moment is not its being a weak one. The problem actually is that it was a really funny moment. It could be coming straight from a Bollywood tear gusher, and voila! Bollywood is a part of this moment.

On board my Delhi to Dubai flight, for some reason, I started watching English Vinglish. Now I greatly value the contributions made my housewives to the well-being of their families, and my heart goes out to the thankless nature of their job. However, I never thought a Bollywood flick starring Sridevi would make me all teary-eyed. I watched the movie with a lump in my throat, and found myself extrapolating tremendously. I imagined myself as being the worst tormentor of the world, and a complete male chauvinist and a hypocrite who cannot walk the talk. I became overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt and love for her, as I landed in Dubai.

The night at Dubai airport was spent thinking about how big the degree of my foolishness was. Here I was. My wife told me she was pregnant, and I did not even congratulate her. So, I started thinking of all the ways in which I could tell her I was really happy, and that I was sorry. I could think of nothing. The next morning, good sense prevailed and I simply called her, and told it like it was. I said, "I love you. I am sorry and I will take very good care of you. You will be my queen, just as I promised you years before". She cried for a long time, and then, we chatted about everything under the Earth.

I couldn't wait to get home and hug her. Why the hell does it take 15 hours to fly to West coast from Dubai!