The cravings...Life at 4am

We heard all about it. We can imagine how Michael Jackson danced, or how it must have been to attend Woodstock. However, seeing and only seeing is believing. I welcome you to a peek into the world of cravings - deep deep cravings.

It was a rather cold night, and thermostat was set at 21 degrees Centigrade. Two people lay sleeping covered in a blanket on a comfortable queen size futon mattress. Deep in their sleep, engrossed in their individual dreams, they planned to peacefully let the night go by. Except that there was a third one. A little flame of life, working hard all through the night on .. ummm.. cell division. With each added cell emerged a new personality and with it, a new desire, a new expression and well, a new craving. Most cravings of this advanced life form are expressed through Mommy. She gets up, possessed and simply ASKS.

So, around 4 am, there grew new pang and it was expressed. It went something like this.

"hmmm....."

Snore. Snore. Snore.

"hmmm....hmmmm"

Snore. Snore. Snore.

"heeeey... listen.. hmmmmm"

Sleepy voice says "Yeah.. u okay?"

"Hmmmm"

"What happened?"

"I feel like having matar pulao with potato, dalchini, and chatni."

"Right now?"

"Yes."

The picture below to what she wanted to eat at 4 am on a peaceful night. You try and understand.
Photo from www.padhuskitchen.com

The first OB visit

Men! (and women!), Shit Happens! It just happened to me!

I totally know that you will say no when I ask you if you did it. I totally know that it will be a lie. So, let's go do the exercise.

"Did you catch yourself day-dreaming about life with your significant other and thought about having kids?" Say No, and I know you are lying! I am not saying you kept indulging in it. Most of us surely did snipe ourselves back to reality and continued half-smiling half-embarrassed. Just as most of you did (I am so sure of myself!), I and she imagined all sorts of things, with an extra dollop of sugar: hot sex, romantic all-nighters, feasts and parties, and becoming parents.  We never gave a thought to 'How' and safely stuck to 'What'.

We were so sure that she would not work for a single day in nine months, we would go to a place with mountains and ocean and nice weather, and we would take life at our own pace, and our own terms.

Well, life did turn around a little to align with what we had thought. I am a student and my wife doesn't work. We do have an ocean and hills around us, and we are pretty much on our own pace and terms.

BUT

There are days that remind us of our puny existence against nature, situations, circumstances, weather and airlines. It is one of those days when my boat got rocked, and it is one of those days when it was not supposed to rock at all.

How would you feel if your interviewer offered you a full expense paid trip to East Coast and hosted you in a nice Manhattan hotel? Well, I felt great.

AND THEN,

How would you feel if they told you that the interview is right on the very day when you scheduled your first OB (obstetrician) visit? Well... I will spare you the obscenities!

While I faced tough snow and a potential blizzard in New York, I did not know there was another one forming up back home. She had to go to the OB alone. You get the idea, or don't you?

Why did I go leaving her behind? Because I had to f***in' go. It was a national level event and they had called over 40 participants and it would be impossible to change and reschedule.

So, there went flying out the window a major milestone that I and she had hoped to achieve together. It was supposed to be a sweet moment, with an extra dollop of sugar on top.

The doctor did not seem to be the most polite individual and was totally impersonal. So, she felt extremely bad and cried on phone... Trust me, it's difficult! it's unpredictable! It can suck!

Crossing my fingers and asking for good wishes,

Papa Soon!

Get pregnant! It makes the world a better place.

You would definitely expect a guy who has just been told "the good news" to go crazy immediately. When he goes crazy, he would definitely find the world a little different. Suddenly! As suddenly as he went crazy. He would laugh out loud, go mushy-cushy and may be, even teary-eyed. He would find the skies bluer, the water more sparkling and the freshness in air would fill his lungs an iota more than usual. His wife's loo breaks are also much more frequent, by the way. This is  the first kind of difference he notices. This happens immediately after the news is broken and before his senses partially come back.

The second kind of difference is more tangible, and borne out of the usual give and take situations of life. Like most things true about life, the realization happens in tricky everyday situations. Like Sienfield and Friends, most tricky situations happen in cafes and good old grocery stores - CVS in my case. It is quite simple actually. If your wife is pregnant, you both will get a little cuddly than usual, and you will need to purchase stuff that you have never needed before... aah nothing kinky here! Just stuff like prenatal vitamins.

You may not realize how much the world changes once you reach a grocery store with a bottle of prenatal vitamins in your mind. You reach the counter of the chemist, and she gives you the usual dirty look. Bound by habit, you respond back by a dirtier one. Then, because you both have to, you start a conversation.

"I am here to buy some off the shelf medicine."

"Go to your right. Find, fetch, pay, bugger off!"

"I know where they are. Just wanted to know if we need doc's advice to purchase prenatal."

"Ahaan!"

You may not realize what all changed with that "Ahaan". Suddenly, she says what you never expected her to say. She goes, "Oh, let me help you with that. Come along. I will walk you to where they are." You walk behind her. Mesmerized. Then, she tells you the five kinds and spells out their benefits with patience. You are scared to ask her questions but she almost encourages her. You are still thinking when she just picks up a bottle and says, "Tell you what. These are the ones I took. Never had any problem." She smiles. You smile back.

Two nasty people end up smiling at each other. The world has turned more beautiful already. The smiles continue. The billing clerk smiles just because you are purchasing prenatal vitamins. She offers free advice on the best obstetrician in the town, and of course, tells you where she went for hers. Because the customers in line have overheard a little bit of your conversation (that actually delayed them!), they smile and do a "so cute" with their shoulders and pout their lips. You feel great. Embarrassed. Loved.

You welcome the incoming soul, the beginning, the first step, the new life. Then, you wink and say to the dude-in-making, "You sure made that chemist smile."

I am pregnant. Don't tell anyone.

Dear reader, when you get pregnant (if you are a man, you better know what I am talking about!), I hope you will be happy and ready and it won't come as a surprise to you. There are two lines that are the most important two lines in the world at least for the half hour that it takes to get the kit from the chemist, do the deed, hold the breath, close the eyes, and bingo! open em up!

The Life (Changing) Line

Life can change in infinite proportions if that second line appears on that little test kit. It is quite amusing how different people may react to this second line in the picture to the right, depending on how much they want or not want to see that line turn up. This second line doesn't show up at first, but emerges slowly just as in real life, situations don't show up in their full glory in the beginning and then, they take shape humbling you down, teaching a lot and well, maturing you up just a little bit more.

Once you know it, you are restless. You already feel like a parent. You don't realize between you and your baby, there are scores of folic acid bottles and prenatal vitamin packs, and months and months of morning sickness, tense OB visits and what not. You assume you are a parent already, you start crossing the street more carefully and your mind races at the speed of light. However, the most important part here is probably the speed of sound, or to be more precise, the sound of Chinese whisper.

In our case, one part of us wanted to keep it to ourselves for the first trimester but the excitement wouldn't let us sleep and we decided to share it with our parents. ONLY with our parents. So, we waited for the sun to rise in India, and we revealed to our parents. We thought they would jump out of joy and there would be tears all around, but our parents knew better. My and my wife's parents have given birth to six children and they know all about the folic acids, morning sicknesses and the tense OB visits. So, they asked to take a chill pill and eat well, and most important, NOT TELL ANYONE! Except of course, our siblings! They definitely need to know. After all, it is going to be a great addition to their lives too. So, well, another couple of late night calls to Bangalore, Delhi and Ahmadabad! 

...and then, we decided to be good kids (just as we would want our kids to be!) and vowed FINALLY to not tell anyone. Two days later, we were beginning to believe that we should be fair to our close friends and since we have always shared our downs, we should share our ups. It just won't be fair to not let them know. Well, another couple of calls to Purdue, New York, and various places in the Bay area. Soon, we begin gathering information on a whole army of babies being made in all these different places.

Then, of course, the chemist at CVS had to be told, and of course, in restaurants, you need the chef's advice but not one person more from now on!

So, tight lipped and straight-spined, as I walked from my department to the swimming pool (because I need to be a healthy father), I bump into a classmate. A few niceties over, I end up asking the dreaded question - So, what are you doing for your summer internship? She said, "I am doing nothing as my internship is already fixed. I am having a baby in May and nursing her throughout the summer." Could I be heartless and not tell her? No. I did tell her. I hugged her, and she hugged me back.

... But I Swear NOT ONE PERSON MORE....!

It's been 10 years!

Usually a long time ago implies a whole different world. Ten year ago it was a different world. I had no mobile phone on me. Calling my girlfriend meant quite a chunk of my pocket money, and looks from people waiting outside phone booths that we knew as PCOs (Do they mean public call office?) 

RESPECT ol' PCO!

It was hilarious. Everyone needed to go to a PCO every now and then to make a LOCAL call (within the city), an STD call (within the country but outside your city), or an ISD call (International). Yet no one including the PCO owner knew what PCO stands for. People figured out innovative ways of using this local-std-isd stratification to express standardization. Here is an example: 

At least in my life, the PCOs played a very important role. They came in at the just the right time they were needed and they swiftly wrapped up and left when the deed was done. When they went by, they left behind a young couple deeply madly in love, and well, with a mobile phone each in hand.

2003 January was special for me. I met a young girl who came to my college to participate in a theater festival. We hit it off and in only a couple of months, we were 'together', 'going out', and 'in a relationship'. This was before Orkut had fully emerged and Facebook did not exist. To write an email, the girl would visit a cyber cafe every week. She saved for it by choosing to go hungry over eating in college canteen, and walking over paying for transport. To meet her, the boy would skip examinations and borrow heavily to travel to her town. They sent each other books and music, and they talked for hours.

Much water has passed under the bridge since then. Tonnes of rains and thousands of days have passed by. We fought some, we lost some, and here we are, ten years later, married to each other, and as far away as possible from everything that was familiar to us.

...and it is January 2013. It called for celebration. So, here is what we did.

Sausalito, California

The soon to be papa young man and the pregnant lady borrowed a car (yes, they are still borrowing!) and they drove to the city of Sausalito. They sat in a cafe, walked alongside the ocean, looked at the buildings and asked around for a nice place to eat. They dined at Di Vino and came back happy. A few musicians caught them on their way out and played romantic songs for them.

The discussion they had on their way back went something like this:
"If I were a poor musician - a guitarist - in a traveling band and had no money, would you still marry me?"
"Oh yeah! Absolutely! I have no doubt about it. I would definitely marry you."
"Why...would you marry such a poor man?"
"Two reasons honey! One, I would be in love with you, and two, if you look at it, you would be earning more as a guitarist than you do now anyway!"