The Him-Her Blur

When you start making a baby, you come across several questions that need to be answered. One type of those questions are about "When in which stage should I reveal it to who". I have written about it earlier in my blog. I have spoken with several Europeans, Indians, Africans, and Americans and majority of cultures and countries have this 3 month watch period. Ob-gyns differ in their opinion about whether the first 3 months are critical. One of them said to me long back, "It is about as risky and safe as during the rest of the pregnancy." The logicians say, "Well, the first three months you learn the behaviour to keep yourself and your baby safe. Then, you learn and thus, you will, as with other skills, become more at ease with handling your pregnancy." Before I forget, I came to know of yet another strange phenomenon. Yes! I came to know that the first trimester is not counted as three months - it is a strange thing but the first trimester actually is 14 weeks.

My story begins after the critical 3 months or 14 weeks are over.

This is the time when you are no longer battling the urge to talk about your baby. You have been told that it is now OK to talk. You are talking. You are talking to everyone who would listen. Naturally, when people listen to the news the first time they are very sweet to you. Only one of my friends put his hand on my shoulder and in a very grim voice said, "I can understand, man." I don't know who is being honest - him or them!

The big problem that I face during these conversations is the gender of the baby. I have no clue what to call him...er... her...the baby. English language screws me over again and again. "The child", "My child" and "the baby" either don't always make for the best sentences, and used repeatedly will get eyebrows raised. I mean, they invented pronouns so that we don't have to do "My child" again and again.

Every time I wanna talk about how I felt when I saw _ _ _ kicking in the ultrasound, I struggle between him and her. When my wife is ignoring her health and not eating for a long time, I go, "Hey, the baby wants something to eat, why don't we give _ _ _ some grapes (him/her) and so on.

The problem get aggravated when you are speaking with a group of people and you have just made a joke, and as men often do, you are laughing heartily at your joke and hoping everyone else will follow. In this moment, when you are worrying about your skills as a joke-teller or social conversation maker, a woman in the group would get annoyed. She would go grim-faced, squint her eyes and squirt back, "Don't mind dear! Men are so hard-coded to want a boy. Did you notice how you said you will clean HIS potty? Well, your baby could be a girl child. Grow up!" This leaves you oscillating between being stupid enough to want to protest and explain your point of view, and being pragmatic enough to eat shit and let go. I put these kinds on my "to be killed later" list.

Nonetheless, HE is on HIS way and I would love it equally if HE turns out to be a SHE, or SHE turns out to be a HE. I refuse to give up pronouns, have no will to write English 2.0, and I know saying "My child" is not cool.

In protest,
Papa Soon!